Matthew 20:1-16

Matthew 20:1-16
Thank God That God Is God (And We Are Not)
September 21, 2008

This fall we are looking at some of Jesus’ teaching from the Gospel of Matthew.
We began by looking at Matthew 18:15-20 – and saw how Jesus teaches us to deal with conflict – while walking in love. Last week we looked at Matthew 18:21-35 – and saw how Jesus teaches us to forgive others – and how we can do that. Today we move on to Matthew 20:1-16 – and see an amazing story about the love and grace of God.

Listen to the world of God

Some of you – like me – may remember Chevy Chase when he was part of the regular line up on “Saturday Night Live”. One of the skits he would do almost every week would be a satirical look at the weekly news. He would always begin by saying:
“Good evening.
I’m Chevy Chase – and you’re not!”

That line still gets laughs.

If I were to teach a class entitled Religion 101 one of the first lessons may be entitled:
God is God – And You Are Not

Maybe you remember the CitiBank credit card commercial from a few years back featuring a decent-looking guy sincerely “telling it like it is.” He tells the story of the family vacation, while scenes from that outing flick by on the screen. The family goes on a trip, stops at a souvenir tourist trap and the kids want a zillion pieces of plastic junk. The guy narrating sighs and states:
“So I pay. I’m the Dad. It’s my job”
More vacation scenes flash across the screen. The family stops at a touristy restaurant. After everybody chows down, the guy again concludes:
“So I pay. I’m the Dad. It’s my job.”
The concluding scenes go by with the family car breaking down and a mechanic coming out to fix it. Yet another sigh from the long-suffering father:
“So I pay. I’m the Dad. It’s my job.”

It’s true — sometimes.

Sometimes we are in charge, it’s our responsibility, and the buck stops squarely in front of us. And although we may grump and grouse about those times, most of us kind of like knowing that we are in control of what is going on and what is coming up next.

In fact, we like it so much that we tend to try to take over the reigns of control when we are clearly no longer qualified to be running the show.

We try to act like we know what we are doing – when really we don’t.
We try to be in control of things we have no control over.

At times we try to be something we are not.

And usually we get in trouble when we do that.

You know – sometimes we even want to act like we are God – or worse than that sometimes we act like we can tell God what to do – or who to love and who not to – or what is right and what is wrong.

We are constantly tempted to — as I like to put it — “play God.”

Why do we so quickly forget that the most basic lesson in Religion 101 is this:
“God is God … and we are not.”

Maybe we need to have a basic conversation with ourselves every morning. I read not long ago of a minister who urged his congregation to revisit the conversation in John 1 between John the Baptist and the crowds when they asked him if he was the Messiah. John replied – emphatically – “I am not the Messiah”

Maybe every day we need to look in the mirror and tell ourselves – emphatically – “I am not the Messiah!” – or “I am not God”

“God is God – and I am not”

“God is God – and we are not”

Over the centuries, forgetting this fact has led to countless tragedies, large and small, personal, national and global.

– Adam and Eve thought they had godlike freedom … they did not.
– Saul thought he had godlike impunity … he did not.
– David thought he had godlike authority over who lives and dies …
he did not.
- The Israelites thought they had godlike exclusiveness … they did not.
- Peter thought he had godlike loyalty …he did not.
- Saul of Tarsus thought he had a godlike mission to wipe out Christians … he did not.
- The Romans thought they had godlike ruling power … they did not.
- The Europeans thought they alone had a godlike image … they did not.
- Americans thought they had a god-like manifest destiny … they did not.
- Hitler thought he had a godlike right to take over the world … he did not.
- Medical science sometimes thinks it can play god … it cannot.
- Cyberspace computer whiz kids sometimes think they have a godlike
grasp of our minds and souls … they do not.

God is God, and we are not.

What that means is that we have no right to decide who God will love – how God will act – or what God will do.

He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.

Sometimes we might want to question what God does – or look at someone and say: “Certainly God could not love them!”

But – it’s not our job to tell God what to do – or who to love and who not to – or what is right and what is wrong.

He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours. He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.

Let me ask you a question:

What if you got to heaven and found out that God had decided to let everybody in?
How would you feel about that?
Republicans, Democrats, doctors and dope pushers, lawyers and lay-abouts, merchants and murderers, hookers and horse thieves.

How would you feel?
Well, certainly that will never happen! you might think.
But – that’s our opinion.
God might have a different opinion.
Who God loves is God’s decision.

He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours. He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.

David Leinenger is a Presbyterian minister in Pennsylvania who tells the story of some controversy that surrounded a First Anniversary September 11 service hat was held in the town where he is pastor. It seems that they decided to have a community wide interfaith service to mark the 1 year anniversary of the tragedy. This was fine –- but not with everyone. David was quoted in the local paper as saying it would be open to all religious faiths – and that representatives from many religious faiths would take part in the service. Well, he began to get letters – one of which read:
Dear Pastor Leininger,

While visiting in Northwest Pennsylvania last summer (from my present home in Tampa), I read a newspaper article concerning your invitation to the Director of the Islamic Cultural Center in Jamestown to speak to your church members.

A week or so ago, once again visiting the area of my birth, I read of the Warren Area Ministerial Association’s plan to hold a Sept. 11th memorial service at the Library Theatre. In this article you are quoted as emphasizing that “It will not be just a Christian service. Instead, it will help people of all faiths to ‘reach to the depths of their souls and their own understandings of the God of the universe.’”

As a Christian who believes in the whole Bible as the truth of God, I strongly take issue with this position of yours. We Christians are to proclaim the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ and none other! As you must know, Jesus said (as quoted in John 14:6), “…I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
The woman continued trying to tell Leininger who God could and could not save. She may have been trying to tell God who He could and could not save.
But – you know — He’s God. That’s His job.
He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.
He’s God – we are not.
When we think of the number of times we try to “play God” or judge who God can and can not love – or tell God who He can and can not love – it’s scary!
You don’t think you try to “play God” or judge who God can and can not love – or tell God who He can and can not love?
Well, let me ask you this.
Do you choose who you will pay attention to and who you will not?
Do you choose who you will speak to and who you will not?
Do you choose who you will feel sorry for – help – and show God’s love to – and who you will not?
Isn’t that a form of trying to “play God” or judge who God can and can not love – or tell God who He can and can not love?
Do you ever judge someone – saying: “We can’t waste our time reaching out to that person – they are a hopeless case!”
Isn’t that a form of trying to “play God” or judge who God can and can not love – or tell God who He can and can not love?
As a Church – do we treat everyone equally – showing God’s love to everybody equally?
If not, isn’t that a form of trying to “play God” or judge who God can and can not love – or tell God who He can and can not love?
Who God love and who God forgives and who God includes in His kingdom is God’s business – not ours.
He’s God. That’s His job.
He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.
He’s God – we are not.
But we “religious people” keep trying to “play God” or judge who God can and can not love – or tell God who He can and can not love. We keep trying to do God’s job for Him. And we don’t do a very good job of it.
Maybe that’s why – as we read the Gospels – we see Jesus having more trouble with and more controversy with “religious folks” than folks who were not very religious. In the parable told in this week’s gospel text, Jesus provides a glimpse at the difference between God’s will and what we might want God’s will to be. The landowner’s generosity is bestowed on these last-hired laborers for a reason known only to him. He does not explain or apologize for the accounting system that lavishes the same wage on everyone hired, regardless of the amount of time logged on the job. The only response the landowner has to the disgruntled first-hired workers is “Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me?”

Is God not allowed to do what God chooses with what belongs to God?

God is God, and we are not.
He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.
He’s God – we are not.
Maybe we would not pay the last laborers hired last as much as the first. But it’s not our job to question why the landlord decided to do it that way.
Maybe – if we were God – we would not love all people – regardless of who they were – what they had done – how they had lived their lives.
Maybe – if we were God – we would not forgive all people – regardless of who they were – what they had done – how they had lived their lives. We might say to someone: “I’ll never forgive you! You don’t deserve it”
Maybe – if we were God – we would not call upon our people to show our love to all people – - to feed the hungry regardless of why they are hungry – to help those in need regardless of why they are in need – to show love even to the most unloveable people.
But we are not God.
He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.
He’s God – we are not.
God is God – and we are not.
It’s not up to us to tell God who to love – who to forgive – who to show mercy to – and who not to love – who not to forgive – who not to show mercy to.
He’s God. That’s His job.
He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.
He’s God – we are not.
God is God – and we are not.
It is only up to us to live the Christian life in the best way we know – and show God’s love and mercy – God’s forgiveness – God’s compassion – to all people – whether we think they deserve it or not.
God is God – and we are not.
God has commanded us to reach out to all people with His love – welcome all into our fellowship – invite all into our fellowship – and show His love to all people – whether they are people we would normally reach out to or not.
God has chosen to show His love to those He has chosen to show His love to.
He’s God. That’s His job.
He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.
He’s God – we are not.
Our job is to follow – not lead. Our job is to show His love as He calls us to – not as we would want to do it.
God is God – and we are not.
But – here’s the thing — I am glad that God is God – and that we are not.
If we were God – if people were God – if God judged us by the standards we set for others – we would all be in trouble.
None of us would have a chance.
The truth is that we all have been in the position of the laborers who were hired last but got as much pay as everybody else.
The truth is that we all have been dependent on someone who showed us God’s love – even when we did not deserve it.
The truth is we all continue to depend on God’s gracious love for our salvation.
There’s a story of a man who lived a wild life – until he gave his life to God. He finally attended Seminary – and upon graduation was ready to begin his ministry. Being a Presbyterian, he had to be examined on the floor of Presbytery before he could accept the call to the first Church he would serve. While being examined, he talked about God’s love for sinners and how – in his ministry – he wanted to share God’s love with all people. Finally – someone asked him if he thought everyone would be saved.
He replied:
“I don’t know if God will save everyone. But I do know he saved me when everybody else had given up on me – and if he could do that, he could save just about anybody.”
Yea – I thank God that God is God – and we are not.
God has freely forgiven us. It’s not up to us to judge who else God will love – or forgive – or show His grace and mercy to –
He’s God – we are not.
That’s His job – not ours.
He’s God – we are not.
He’s God. That’s His job.
Our job is to follow Him and show His love – His compassion – His grace – His mercy – to the world – to all people.
No – it may not be that way we would do it if we were God.
That’s why I thank God that God is God – and we are not.
Amen.

Matthew 18:21-35

Matthew 18:21-35
“Forgiving Others”
September 14, 2008

Last week we began looking at some of Jesus’ teaching from the Gospel of Matthew. We began by looking at Matthew 18::15-20 – and saw how Jesus teaches us to deal with conflict – while walking in love. Today we are going to continue in the 18th chapter of Matthew as we look at Matthew 18:21-35 – and see how Jesus teaches us to forgive others – and how we can do that.

Listen to God’s word in Matthew 18:21-35:

Have you ever notices that Jesus places a great deal of emphasis on our need to forgive others?
You probably have – for having a forgiving heart is one of the most important of Jesus’ teachings – and on of the keys to living the Christian life. In fact, Jesus even goes so far as to say that if you’re not willing to forgive others, you can’t experience the fullness of God’s forgiveness in your life.
Jesus said:
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)
Jesus teaches this same principle in the parable we have before us today. In today’s passage we learn a lot about forgiveness—how much we’ve been forgiven — and how much we need to forgive others.
We also learn that being forgiven and forgiving others are inseparable concepts. They go hand in hand. And in this passage we learn what it means to forgive those who have sinned against us — we learn what true forgiveness is.
Now, the big idea of this lesson in forgiveness is this:
we are to forgive as we have been forgiven.
Remember that phrase—
we are to forgive as we have been forgiven.
If I were to ask you to think of someone you’ve had to forgive recently, or someone you need to forgive, it probably wouldn’t take very long for you to come up with a name. It’s a fact of life – as we live we have many opportunities to forgive others. If you’re married, if you have a job, if you have neighbors, if you go to Church, if you ever eat out, if you have in-laws—many opportunities to forgive others will come your way. And – guess what – you will give many people – your spouse – your co-workers – your neighbors – fellow Church members – your in laws – people you meet every day – many opportunities to forgive – you.
Opportunities to forgive are a part of life.
So the question is: how do you do it? How do you forgive others as God wants you to forgive? There are two examples you often see, neither of which is right.
The first extreme example is
“I’ll forgive but I won’t forget, and I’ll make certain you never forget either; I’ll remind you of what you’ve done every day for the rest of your life, and when I bring it up you better act like you still feel guilty about it or I’ll withdraw my forgiveness.”
Obviously, this isn’t forgiveness at all. The principle is that we’re to forgive as we’ve been forgiven, and that is not how God forgives us.
On the other end of the extreme are those who think forgiving others means giving someone permission to walk all over you again, and allowing yourself to be victimized. That is not the case, either.
So, how are we supposed to forgive others?
What does it mean to forgive as we have been forgiven?
Today we’ll look at four guidelines for forgiving others. When someone comes to you seeking reconciliation, here are four things to keep in mind. And let me warn you, these are tough to do. First of all…
1. Forget about keeping count.
(v. 21-22) Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times”
Where did Peter come up with the “seven times” figure? Well, in the Jewish belief system, seven was the perfect number — the number of completion. Therefore, forgiving someone seven times “completed” your obligation to forgive, and you weren’t required to extend it further.
Jesus said, however,
“Not seven times but seventy-seven times,” – the point being that we are not to keep track of the number of times we forgive someone. In other words, each and every time they come to us seeking reconciliation, we are to offer them forgiveness.
Jesus isn’t talking about people who sin against you without remorse and make no effort to reconcile — Jesus is referring to those who come to you seeking forgiveness – those truly sorry for what they have done — and He makes it clear: we are to forgive them as many times as they come, as many times as it takes.
Early in his marriage, a friend of mine offended his mother-in-law. He truly regretted it and went to her with an apology and asked her forgiveness. Since she had been a Sunday school teacher most of her life, her response took him by surprise. She said, “No. I will not forgive you.” I had never heard of anyone—especially a Christian—being so forthright in their unwillingness to forgive. Usually we at least say that we’ll forgive – even if we have no intention of doing so.
I asked my friend, “What in the world did you say when she said that she wouldn’t forgive you?”
My friend laughed and said, “I told her, ‘OK, then, don’t forgive me. It’s now your problem – not mine,”
Eventually she dod forgive him when she found out that holding a grudge against him was hurting her – not him!
When it comes to forgiving others, we’re sometimes guilty of playing games and using the situation to get leverage on the other person so that we can use it to our advantage later. That’s not forgiveness. God doesn’t do that to us; we cannot do it to others.
Jesus said we’re to forgive others an unlimited number of times.
Why?
Because that is how God forgives us. God forgives us innumerable times. He does not keep track.
Maybe you’re afraid that God won’t forgive you anymore because you’ve struggled with one particular sin for too long, and you think He has given up on you. Maybe you’re thinking:
There’s no way he’ll forgive me again; I’ve failed too many times.
But that’s a lie.
There IS a way he’ll forgive you again. If you come to Hm in repentance and ask his forgiveness—he’ll give you all you need.
Now — I’ve heard people say, “If you’re truly sorry for a sin you won’t commit it anymore.” Maybe you’ve heard that also.
Well — it’s not that simple.
We might struggle with a certain sin for years—and sometimes it seems like we’ll never get victory.
Now — I’m not talking about leaping into sin and loving it; I’m talking about lapsing into sin and loathing it. And we struggle with the same sin again and again, and we repent again and again, and we continue to struggle.
Friends — don’t ever believe the lie that God withholds His forgiveness.
Jesus made it clear to Peter that we are to forgive others an unlimited number of times – and God doesn’t expect us to do more than he’s willing to do Himself. The truth is that we’re to forgive others an unlimited number of times because He forgives us an unlimited number of times.
Forget about keeping count; if you need forgiveness from God, ask for it— regardless of how many times you’ve asked in the past.
Forget about keeping count; if someone asks for forgiveness, give it—regardless of how many times they’ve asked in the past.
We’re to forgive as we’ve been forgiven, so forget about keeping count.
Here’s the second guideline…
2. Cancel the debt.
Sometimes when we forgive others we have the power to cancel their debt—to let them completely off the hook—and we need to do that whenever we can.
In our passage before us today Jesus tells the parable of a man who owed his king a huge sum of money—millions of dollars—and since he was not able to pay, the king ordered that everything the man owned be sold—including his wife and children, and himself into slavery—so that he could repay the debt. The man fell on his knees before the king and begged for more time to pay the debt. And…
(v. 27) “The servant’s master took pity on him, cancelled the debt, and let him go.”
Just like that, with just a word, millions of dollars of debt was wiped away.
This man had gotten in over his head and he owed far more than he was able to pay back, but the king understood something about forgiveness, and so he cancelled the debt and let him go.
There are some times when you forgive others that you simply have to cancel the debt and let them go. When someone does something wrong, they should do whatever they can to make it right. But sometimes people sin to such an extent that they can never make it right. If they come to you seeking forgiveness, and you have the power to cancel their debt, then cancel their debt. Let them off the hook.
Forgive them completely.
The Bible says when God forgives us He…
…hurls our iniquities into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:19)
The Bible also says about God’s forgiveness…
I have swept your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. (Isaiah 44:22)
When God forgives us, He forgives us completely. As far as He is concerned, our sin is gone forever. The debt has been cancelled. This is the way we need to forgive others: we need to cancel their debt and let them off the hook.
Sometimes we’re reluctant to do that because we want leverage over the other person. We want to make them squirm. We want them to suffer as we have suffered. That’s not forgiveness. That’s not the way God treats us; it’s not the way we should treat others.
One of my ministry friends sometimes works as a technology consultant, and he tells how one day he was in a woman’s office working on her computer while she and a co-worker were having a conversation—as if he weren’t there. At one point the woman said,
“So I told my husband, ‘There’s no way you can ever make up for the amount of pain you have caused this family. It’s a little too late for you to come crawling back.’”
The other woman pointed at my friend and said,
“He’s a preacher; why don’t you talk to him about it?”
Well, she began telling him about her marriage and her philandering husband and all the grief he had caused her over the course of their marriage. And now, after ruining the family financially and running off with another woman, he had come back asking for forgiveness. She told my friend that she loves her husband and wanted things to work out, but she couldn’t go through again what she’s been through already. She asked my friend:
“So, what do you think I should I do?”
He told me that he said:
“There are two things you need to do. First, you realize that there is no way you can repair your marriage by getting a few words of advice from me; if you’re serious about restoring your marriage, then both of you need to get marriage counseling. The second thing is—and if you’re not willing to do this second thing, getting all the counseling in the world won’t help—but if there really is no way he can repay the wrongs he has done, then you need to cancel his debt. Let him off the hook. Wipe the slate clean. Give him a brand new start.”
She said, “Are you serious? Are you saying I should let him off the hook so he can come in and wreak havoc in our lives again?”
My friend told me he replied:
“No. That’s not what I’m saying. With forgiveness comes accountability, and he needs to make an effort to prove he means business. That’s why you need to do counseling together. But if he owes you more than he can ever repay, forgive the debt and let him start over.”
Now — this brings us to the third guideline for forgiving others.
In addition to canceling the debt you need to…
3. Keep them accountable.
In this parable, the king forgave the servant’s debt, and then listen to what the servant did.
(v. 28-34) “When the servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. [A small amount of money compared to what this man owed the king.] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I cancelled all that debt of your because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In his anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.”
What’s the lesson here?
That if, after you forgive someone, they do something you don’t like, you’re free to torture them?
Nope.
The lesson here is that along with forgiveness comes accountability.
The king didn’t cancel the servant’s debt and give him free reign to run up more debt;
neither did he give him free reign to treat his fellow servants ruthlessly.
He forgave him—cancelled the debt—and he also held him accountable.
In forgiving others, this is the area where we often drop the ball. When someone comes to you asking forgiveness, the best response is to say,
“Absolutely, I will forgive you. I will cancel the debt. Now, what can we do to make sure this doesn’t happen again?”
When we forgive others, even though we completely wipe out their debt from the past, we need to help them establish terms of accountability so that they will be able to overcome their past and move on toward being the people God wants them to be.
In the NFL if you get caught using steroids, they don’t kick you out of the league; they give you a second chance, but they also hold you accountable—you have to submit to random drug tests.
I read of a woman who developed an inappropriate relationship with someone on the internet. She confessed her sin to her husband and he forgave her, but he also holds her accountable; he frequently looks over her shoulder when she’s chatting with someone online. That’s forgiveness – and accountability.
I also know of a man who caught his teenage son in a lie — he said he was going one place and went another. The father forgave his son, but he also began holding him accountable—he calls the place the boy said he would be frequently to make sure he’s really there.
This is the same way God treats us.
He forgives us absolutely and completely, yet he has made us accountable to one another for our actions. With forgiveness comes accountability. When someone comes to you asking for forgiveness, give it to them. Also, give them the opportunity to establish terms of accountability so that their striving to be the person God wants them to be can be complete.
So – we have 3 guidelines in forgiving others –
Forget about keeping count – cancel the debt – and keep them accountable.
There’s a fourth guideline to forgiving others.
4. Consider God’s mercy in your life.
God wants you to forgive others – Jesus teaches us to forgive others – because we have been forgiven.
Your debt to God is much greater than anyone’s debt toward you. And yet, God forgives you – and because of that, you can forgive others.
None of us deserve God’s love and forgiveness, but He forgives us anyway.
All of us fail again and again in the same areas of our lives, and yet God continues to forgive us again and again.
There is no way we could ever need to forgive anyone else more than God has forgiven us.
When we consider God’s mercy in our lives, we may find ourselves compelled to show mercy to others.
The wicked servant in this parable was punished because he was willing to receive mercy but wasn’t willing to give it.
Jesus said,
(v. 35) “This is how my heavenly father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
God takes forgiveness very seriously. He expects us to forgive others completely, because that is how He forgives us. He takes forgiveness so seriously that he was willing to send Jesus into the world to die on the cross for our sins, to pay the debt for our sins — a debt that we could never pay ourselves.
God’s forgiveness is not because we’re worthy, but because He’s merciful. He doesn’t keep count of our offenses. He cancels the debt completely. He makes us accountable to one another so that we can become more holy, more like him.
Do you need to forgive someone?

Forgive them as God has forgiven you.
Forget about keeping count.
Cancel the debt.
Help them establish terms of accountability.
And most of all, never forget how much God has forgiven you for – and share the forgiveness God has shown you with others.

That’s how live a life of forgiving others.
Amen.

Matthew 18:15-20

Matthew 18:15-20
Dealing With Conflict While Walking In Love
September 7, 2008

Today we are beginning a look at some teachings of Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew.
Today’s passage – Matthew 18:15-20 – gives us some pretty specific steps to take when we find that we are in conflict with each other – when we find ourselves disagreeing with others in the Church. You know — even the most loving, most committed, and most devout of church members may find themselves at odds with each other from time to time. Conflict is going to happen. The question is – how do we deal with it – what do we do about it?
Jesus gives us some instructions here in Matthew 18:15-20 of how we can deal with conflict – while walking in love.

Dealing With Conflict – While Walking In Love
Dealing With Conflict – While Walking In Love

Listen to what Jesus says.

Read Scripture

In one Peanuts comic strip, Lucy demands that Linus change TV channels.
“What makes you think you can walk right in here and take over?” asks Linus.
“These five fingers,” says Lucy – holding up her hand.
“Individually they’re nothing” she says
but – as she makes a fist – she says
“when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold.”
Linus considers the situation a second – then says: “Which channel do you want?”
Turning away, he looks at his fingers and says,
“Why can’t you guys get organized like that?”

As members of the Church, as brothers and sisters in Christ, you and I are connected in a covenant and relationship with one another — connected with each other — through Jesus. Our connection with the God and Jesus affects and governs our relationships with each other, and – and here is an important point — our relationships with each other affect sour relationship with God.

It is important that you and I – and all of us here at Hopewell – have a right relation ship with each other.

It is so important that we have a right relationship with each other that Jesus said in Matthew 5:23:

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

In fact, the last thing that Jesus prayed for His church was that the Father would make us one as Jesus is one with the Father!

We can talk a lot about what it means to be “one in Christ” and to “live in love” with each other – what it means to show God’s love to each other and to the world. But – the truth is – even in the best of churches – there will come a time when we disagree with each other and find ourselves in a conflict with others.

If you don’t think that we will ever be in conflict with each other in the church – that there is not conflict in churches – or that – even – there should not be conflict in churches – I have a question for you –
What rock have you been sleeping under?

Larry Crabb wrote:
“The difference between spiritual and unspiritual community is not whether conflict exists, but is rather in our attitude toward it and our approach to handling it. When conflict is seen as an opportunity to draw more fully on spiritual resources, we have the makings of spiritual community.”

In other words, it is how we handle conflict that determines the level of our spiritual maturity!

The truth of the matter is that relationships can be strengthened through conflict! In fact, George Bullard – a consultant with The Columbia Partnership – has written a great book – Every Church Needs A Little Conflict. His whole premise is that conflict is necessary at times as we exchange ideas and dream dreams about what God’s will might be for us as a church. Conflict can be a good thing as we share our ideas – think about why we believe the way we do – and present the case for our position.
This can be done – if – and only if — we handle conflicts correctly. What makes or breaks relationships, and what makes or breaks churches, is what they choose to do in conflict. We must learn how to walk in love while dealing with conflict.

We have to learn to:

Deal With Conflict – While Walking In Love
Deal With Conflict – While Walking In Love

I see that this involves three things:

First — We must have the right attitude.

At the beginning of Matthew 18, Jesus sets the stage for His teaching
on resolving conflict by saying that wer are to become as little children

Granted, . we’ve all seen Christians act like little children when it comes to getting their way, but that is not what Jesus is talking about. Jesus says that we are to humble ourselves like a little child. In other words — we must approach conflicts with humility.

To be humble means to bring low – and that is the opposite of what we want to do – too many times — in conflict. Too many times we seek to exalt ourselves, or to justify ourselves, or to prove that we are right.

If that is how we approach a conflict, the conflict will only grow.

When we are dealing with conflict with another person, Jesus says the goal is reconciliation, not justification. In other words, our hope is to mend the relationship, not to choose sides and declare a winner. If only one person wins, everybody loses.

We must ask the Lord to search our hearts before we ever deal with a conflict.
We must ask ourselves, “Am I walking in and motivated by love?”
If not, get your heart right first, and then deal with the problem at hand.

We must have the right attitude – am attitude of humility.

We must learn how we can be

Dealing With Conflict – While Walking In Love
Dealing With Conflict – While Walking In Love

First – we must have the right attitude – an attitude of love.

Second — we must have the right approach.

Jesus gives us a very simple four step plan on how to handle conflict. A lot of times we make things so complicated, but Jesus makes it simple! We would save ourselves much heartache and would show Jesus to the world much more effectively if we would simply follow the directions!

Here is the 4 step plan Jesus gives us:

1. A private conversation.

This is where we most often miss the chance at reconciliation right off the bat!
What does Jesus say to do?
Go to the person who has sinned against you!
Go to the person who has made you mad!
Go to the person who has upset you!
This means that you do not go to our friends, our “inner circle” – and say:
“Can you believe what so and so did –
Can you believe what they said?
I can’t believe they would do that!
I can’t believe they would say that!
I can’t believe they would be so stupid as to think that way!”

When someone comes to you with a problem about another person, make sure they have talked to the other person. If not, don’t let them gossip to you – but encourage them to talk to the other person. . That is where Jesus said to start.

Instead wanting to get sympathy and to be told how awful we have been treated, we do well to consider our offense from the perspective of what Jesus suffered at the hands of others for my sins and yours, and yet He was silent. We could learn something from His example.

Jesus tells us to have a private conversation with the person we need to have a conversation with.

How?

One way is to start soon after we begin to feel that there is a problem. Don’t put off the conflict for weeks or months in the hopes that it will go away.
It won’t.
It will only get worse as the anger and bitterness takes root in your soul. The offense tends to get blown out of proportion the longer we wait to address it.
Remember what Jesus said about leaving your gift at the altar.
The reason it is so urgent to the Lord is because of the damage it can create if gone untreated. If we had a broken leg, wouldn’t we want the injury repaired as soon as possible? Offenses are far more devastating to the soul and spirit, and eventually to the body, than a broken leg.

Another way is to meet face to face.
Jesus said, “Go and show him his fault.”. Anything less than a face to face conversation places a barrier between the people involved.

Then – it is important to affirm the relationship.
Let the person know that you are seeking to resolve the conflict, not to assign blame. Let the person know up front how much they mean to you.

It’s also important to make observations, not accusations.
That means addressing actions that have occurred, rather than pointing a finger or attacking their character. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. “I feel that you did me wrong” is better than “You are a liar! You don’t care about anyone but yourself!” Address what you have seen, perceived, and felt. Don’t accuse and put someone on the defensive. Take ownership of your feelings.

When you have this conversation, make sure you get the facts.
After you make your observations, allow the other person to respond. There may be things that you have misunderstood or not been aware of. Nine times out of ten this is where the problem lies. When the other person is responding, keep your ears open and mouth shut. Don’t interrupt! Let them finish.

Then – try to promote resolution.
The point is not to fight, win, or prove someone wrong. The point is to restore trust and harmony.

Now — most conflicts can be resolved in this stage, if we will have the courage and care enough about another person to take that first step. But what if they offender doesn’t want to discuss it or doesn’t want to make the relationship right? Then go to the next step.

2.Take Witnesses.

These witnesses are there for the same reason that you are to go in the first step — to bring reconciliation. It is not to gang up on the person! In fact, we should involve others only when going alone did not bring a healing.
This “other person” should be someone who can help keep emotions in check and help clarify the issues as we work together for a reconciliation.

So – first – have a private conversation.
Second – take someone who might help resolve the disagreement.
If that doesn’t bring resolution, then Jesus gives a tird step – one that is the most drastic.

3. Take it to the church.

Notice that Jesus does not specifically say, “Make an announcement from the pulpit.” In some extreme cases, that may be necessary, especially if there is continual, confirmed, unconfessed sin.

I believe the first step here is to gather some wise folks from the Church and let them hear both sides – and again – try to help work out a reconciliation.

OK – so you’ve had the private conversation – brought in another person – and brought in some wise folks from the Church.

What if that does not work either?

Sadly, we live in a world where things are not perfect.
Some conflicts will not be resolved. Then – and only then – you can move to step 4 –

4. Break off the relationship.

If you cannot reach agreement or even agree to disagree, then separation is called for.

Jesus said to treat them as a pagan or tax collector. Does that mean treat them like scoundrels?
No.
How did Jesus feel about pagans and tax collectors?
Jesus loved pagans and tax collectors.
He walked in love with them in the hope of winning them over.

If you have someone who refused to be reconciled to you, ask yourself these questions
, “Do I long to be reconciled?”
“Do I still act in love with this person?”
If so, then you are doing your part. It is now up to the other person.

Conflicts will happen.
We must learn how we can be

Dealing With Conflict – While Walking In Love
Dealing With Conflict – While Walking In Love

Have the right attitude – an attitude of love.
Have the right approach – using the 4 steps – in their order – Jesus gives us.

The result will be the right atmosphere.

When we deal with conflict appropriately, we see positive results in our lives and in our church.

We see agreement –
Jesus says in vs. 19: “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
We see the Lord’s presence – Jesus says in verse 20: For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”
It is said that Leonardo da Vinci, when painting the Last Supper, painted Judas’ face as the face of someone with whom he was angry. But he found that he could not paint the face of Jesus until he changed the face of Judas. We can’t do the things of Jesus if we are holding grudges against someone.

Here’s the thing — conflict will come, even in the church.
But what are you and I going to do when it comes?
We must start by walking in brokenness and humility – having the right attitude. Then – we can go through the process of reconciliation.

Here’s a question for you –
Are you walking in love today in your attitude toward others, even those who have wronged you?

Following Jesus’ advice –
Having the right attitude – an attitude of love.
Having the right approach – using the 4 steps – in their order – Jesus gives us –
going to someone privately –
then with someone else –
then going to the Church – all with the attitude of reconciliation – then treating them like a tax collector of Gentile – whom Jesus still loved –
will help us when conflicts come – and help us be people and a Church who are:

Dealing With Conflict – While Walking In Love
Dealing With Conflict – While Walking In Love

Amen