June 21, 2009
Father’s Day
Being A Christian Man Is Not For Sissies
We are looking at some of the things that we find to be problems or that we have questions about in our everyday lives this summer –– and we’re looking at how we can find God’s answers to these problems and questions.
Life is filled with things that bother us and that are problems for us – things we might wish we had answers for. These things can range from how to deal with the economy and the way if affects our daily living to how to be a Christian parent to how to deal with “difficult people” to how to deal with emotions such as anger.
The Bible is our guide to living life in God’s ways – and contains God’s answers to our questions in life.
Paul wrote to Timothy in 2 Timothy 3:16-17 that:
“16All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
This summer we’re looking at some of the issues and questions we may face in our lives – and how God would have us deal with them. We’re not looking for answers to our questions so we’ll be “nice people” – but so we can learn how to be god’s people in the world – and relate to others in God’s ways.
Today is Father’s Day – and I thought we’d look at a question that many of us – or at least us Christian men – might struggle with – that being how to be a Christian man – how to be a man – a man of strength and courage – but still filled with God’s Spirit and living the life God wants us to live.
I believe there are ways we can be Christians and be men – ways we can be Christian men — but I’m going to have to give you a warning from the start – it’s not for sissies.
Being a Christian man is hard – it takes commitment and courage.
Being a Christian man means you stand up for what you believe.
Being a Christian man is definitely not for sissies.
When I was growing up in the mid to late 1950’s and early 1960’s some of the most visible fathers in our country were Ozzie Nelson — the easy-going dad on the TV show The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet – Ward Cleaver on Leave It To Beaver – Danny Williams on Make Room For Daddy – Steve Douglas on My 3 Sons – Andy Taylor on The Andy Griffith Show — and Rob Petry on The Dick Van Dyke Show. These men – these fathers — were able to take care of their families and solve all the problems in 30 minutes – and Ozzy would even have time for “a little song from Ricky” before the show as over. They were the perfect fathers with the perfect families. Of course, there was also Ben Cartwright on Bonanza who might have to raise a fist or a gun at times – but it was usually Ben and the boys against the bad guys.
The image portrayed of what it took to be a father – to be a man — made fatherhood – and even manhood – seem so easy! Just get up in the morning – put on your coat and tie – go to work – come home at 5 – maybe play ball with the kids – eat supper – listen to what the kids had been up to that day – solve a problem or 2 – read the paper – and go to bed.
Nothing to it!
Well – things have certainly changed, haven’t they?
“Ozzy” is no longer a Nelson – but Ozzy Osbourne! To say that Ozzy Osbourne is different from Ozzy Nelson is like saying the Sahara Desert is different from the Atlantic Ocean – the 2 Ozzy’s are so different they barely fit in the same category! There’s an enormous difference between the two Ozzy’s. True – both have something to do with the music industry – but the similarities end there!
Ozzy Nelson was always in control and never had to raise his voice. Most of the time Ozzy Osbourne seems oblivious to what is going on around him — usually just stumbling through the house with a dazed and confused look on his face.
Tasks for Ozzy Nelson were never hard – but even simplest tasks — such as taking out the trash – seem to leave Ozzy Osbourne bewildered.
Ozzy Nelson always knew the right thing to say – but Ozzy Osbourne often loses his train of though mid-sentence – and when he is able to complete a sentence usually about half of it is bleeped out!
Ozzy Nelson never drank too much – but even though I understand that Ozzy Osboourne — the former “Prince of Darkness” and rock legend from the band “Black Sabbath” — is clean and sober these days and hasn’t used drugs or alcohol in years, they have clearly taken their toll on his short-term memory.
I guess the best thing that can be said about Ozzy Osbourne is that he stays through all the craziness. Through all the craziness of his out-of-control, rock-and-roll lifestyle, he remained committed to his family.
Now — let me make this clear:
Don’t—and I mean don’t — take this as an endorsement of Ozzy Osbourne – he is light years away from being an ideal father — but I’ll say this for him: He spends more time with his children than many people spend with theirs!
So – we have 2 images of fatherhood and manhood – 2 ends of the spectrum of what it means to be a man – what it means t be a father.
But — the good news is that we don’t have to follow either Ozzy—Nelson or Osbourne—as our role models in what it means to be a Christian father – or a Christian man.
The Bible tells us what we need to do in order to be a good father a Christian father – and a good man – a Christian man.
Today we’re going to look at some things the Bible teaches us about how to be a more effective Christian man – a more effective Christian father.
But – let me warn you – it’s not easy.
It’s hard.
It means being willing to stand up for what you believe when others may not believe what you do.
It means doing what you know is right even if others are doing wrong.
Being a Christian father – being a Christian man – is not for sissies!
There are three roles that every father – that every man – can play in the lives of young people.
First of all they need to…
- 1. Strive to be a good example.
Actually, everyone is an example, whether they realize it or not.
Whether you use the role to the best of our ability or not, you are an example to others – particularly young people. Others see what you do and they are prone to do likewise. So, you need to be aware that they are always watching you, and are, a lot of times, going to imitate you.
When I was growing up, people used to tell me: “You are just like your father.” The older I get and the less hair and more chin I have the more truth there is to that statement! Here’s a truth — a fact of life — just by osmosis your children – and others — will pick up some of your characteristics and habits. You need to be aware of this and make an effort to strive to be a good example for them.
In the book of Acts there’s a story about Paul and Silas being thrown into jail. During the night, an earthquake came the jail door opened — but they didn’t try to escape. The jailer was so impressed by this that he asked them, “What must I do to be saved?” and Paul said:
Believe on the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, along with your entire household. (Acts 16: 31)
Paul and Silas “shared the Word of the Lord” with the jailer and his household. The jailer put his faith in Jesus, and then he did some things that first-century jailers typically didn’t do for prisoners — he washed their wounds and brought them into his house and fed them. That same night he and his family were baptized. This jailer was saying to his family, “Starting today I will be a follower of Jesus, and it will make a difference in the way I treat others.” And he proved his commitment by living out his example in front of his family. And the result was that he and his entire household rejoiced because they all believed in God.
He was striving to be a good example.
Joshua was also striving to be a good example when he declared before the people of Israel:
Choose today whom you will serve…As for me and my family, we will serve `the Lord. (Joshua 24:15)
You see — your children are going to follow your example. So are other children. Strive to be a good example. If you keep in mind that you are being watched you’ll be far less likely to berate a waiter for messing up your order, you’ll be far less likely to speak harshly others, you’ll be far less likely to tell a “white” lie for convenience’s sake, you’ll be far less likely to bend the rules to save a few dollars.
You are an example — strive to be a good one. By this I mean:
Let God bring out the best in you so you can bring out the best in others.
That’s being an example. That’s being a Christian father. That’s being a Christian man. Doing these things at times is not easy – controlling your temper is not an easy thing to do – staying calm when others are getting upset is not easy – doing the right thing when others are doing the wrong thing is not easy – telling the truth when it would be so easy to tell a lie is not easy – but all these things are part of what it means to be a Christian – and all these things are part of what it means to be a man. All these things take courage – but are what it takes to be Christian men. Being a Christian father – a Christian man — is not easy – it’s not for sissies – but it’s the kind of fathers – and the kind of men – that God is calling us t be.
So – you need to – first of all – strive to be a good example.
Secondly…
2. Strive to be a good teacher.
Have you ever known someone who was good at something, but wasn’t able to pass that skill on to others? My Dad was an attorney – and in his firm was an attorney who was an excellent tax attorney. He was quite skilled at keeping financial records straight and organized. However, his son’s finances were always a mess. He was frequently broke, frequently late with payments, and frequently overdrawn at the bank. His son once told me:
“As long as I can remember my dad told me I was terrible at managing money — that it burns a hole in my pocket — but he never showed me how to balance a check book, and he never showed me how to make out a budget.”
Isn’t that amazing? I guess the father thought these skills should come naturally to his son, but they didn’t, and his son has struggled with financial problems all of his life because of it.
A few minutes ago I mentioned that there are some things that your children and others might learn from you by “osmosis”– by simply observing you. But there are other things in life that they will learn only if you take the time to teach them. If they don’t learn things from you, they might not learn them at all.
If you want to be a Christian man – a Christian father – be a good example – and be a good teacher.
H. Jackson Brown has a son who was about to go to college – and decided to write out the things he thought his son needed to know before entering the “real world.” These notes he wrote for his son were eventually published in under the title Life’s Little Instruction Book and it sold millions of copies.
You know — King Solomon did the very same thing. His writings were published under the title “Proverbs.” It begins…
The purpose of these proverbs is to teach people wisdom and discipline…Listen, my son, to what your father teaches you. What you will learn from them will crown you with grace and clothe you with honor. (Proverbs 1:2,8-9)
We need to do for our children and for others what Solomon and H. Jackson Brown did for their children. We need to make the effort to teach them what they need to know in order to survive in the “real world.” Part of what it means to be a Christian father – a Christian man – is be a good teacher.
However, this is an area where all fathers – all men – in fact all people — need to take special care. It’s not enough to tell others what to do. You need to teach them. In other words, you need to communicate in a way that they will be able to understand and receive what you’re saying.
Instead of communicating effectively with others, particularly young people, too often we have a tendency to give them long drawn out speeches full of phrases such as “buckle down” and “shape up or ship out” and the ever-popular “when I was your age.” When it comes to teaching, there’s a principle that we need to keep in mind: the more words you use, the less impact you have. It’s not enough to just be right in what you’re saying; our challenge is to teach them in such a way that it brings out the best in them – teach them in a way that inspires them to do right. Listen to what Solomon said…
The wise person makes learning a joy. (Proverbs 15:2)
To be the Christian father – the Christian man – God wants you to be – you need to teach others the ways of God – but teach them in ways they can learn them from you.
I heard someone say not long ago: “My father taught me to work, not to enjoy it.”
What in the world does that mean?
“My father taught me to work…” That part is good; it’s what every father should do. But I still don’t get the second part: “not to enjoy it.” What does that mean? Whatever it means, I don’t think it’s a good thing. It’s true that some dads can be so demanding that they take the joy of everything, whether it’s home work, or yard work, or playing baseball, but it’s nothing to brag about. In fact, if I had kids I would want to be able to say:
“My dad taught me to work, and he also taught me to love it”
I want young people to be able to say:
“I learned the value of hard work – and taking pride in your work – from him”.
Solomon said:
Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it. (Proverbs 22:6)
It is our job as Christian fathers – our jobs as Christian men – to teach our children and others to do what is right, and if we do our job well, they will enjoy learning to do what is right, and they will continue to do what is right.
We must take the time to teach them how to balance a checkbook or plan a budget, because they might not learn it anywhere else. We must take the time to teach them how to treat other people — because they might not learn it anywhere else. We must take the time to teach them how to go on a job interview, how to handle an emergency, how to have a morning devotional, how to pray, how to study the Bible, how to help a friend in need, how to overlook an offense, and on and on and on…because they might not learn it anywhere else.
That’s being a good teacher. That’s being a Christian father. That’s being a Christian man. Doing these things at times is not easy – teaching others how to do things can be hard – it can be much easier to say:
“O well – they’ll learn it if they want to!”
But finding ways to teach the right things to others is part of what it means to be a Christian – and what it means be a man. All these things take time – but they are what it takes to be Christian men. Being a Christian father – a Christian man — is not easy – it’s not for sissies – but it’s the kind of fathers – and the kind of men – that God is calling us t be.
If you know how to do something others need to learn, make an effort to pass it on. Teach them what you know, so that you can bring out the best in them.
So – we have 2 things that it means to be a Christian father – a Christian man. Strive to be a good example – and strive to be a good teacher.
Thirdly… you need to
3. Strive to be a good coach.
In all the words that describe the roles of a Christian father – or a Christian man — I like the word “coach” the best.
What does a good coach do?
He brings out the best in his players.
When Michael Jordan played basketball at the University of North Carolina, his coach was Dean Smith—one of the greatest coaches in the history of the sport. Dean Smith was a great basketball coach, but was he a great basketball player? He may have been probably okay, but he was no Michael Jordan. And yet, Michael Jordan attributes a great deal of his success to his college coach, Dean Smith. Dean Smith didn’t have to be a great basketball player to make great basketball players. He just had to know the game, and know how to bring out the best in his players. The sign of a great coach is that he produces players who are better at the sport than he’ll ever be. The sign of a great coach is that he empowers his players to do their best.
Ken Griffey, Sr. was a pretty good baseball player. But his legacy is that he raised a superstar, Ken Griffey, Jr.
Cal Ripken, Sr. was a good baseball coach, but his legacy is that he raised a legend, Cal Ripken, Jr.
A great coach empowers his players to do their best – even if they outshine the coach themselves. A great Christian father – a great Christian man — does the same. He has the attitude that John the Baptist had about Jesus…
He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)
We’ve probably all had coaches that did not empower to do us to well, that did not bring out the best in us. We’ve all had coaches who played favorites, who wanted to win at all costs, and who cared nothing at all about his players beyond what they could do for him. Clearly, that’s not the kind of coach we want to be to our children or to others.
In the book of Ephesians, Paul said,
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
This verse describes our role as Christian fathers – as Christian men. We’re not to bully our children or others, or berate them. We’re not to take away their drive or the desire to do good. But we’re to teach them to discipline themselves and we’re to teach them how to play the game whether it be a sport or “the game of life” — to – as Paul says –
“bring them up in the instruction of the Lord.”
Our goal is to empower them to do better than we have — to be more successful than we are — to be better husbands or wives than we are — to be more holy than we are — to reach more people for Christ than we do — to become greater than we’ll ever become. That’s a Christian father’s goal – a Christian man’s goal — to bring out the best in others .
Like being a good example and being a good teacher, being a good coach is not easy. It means doing these things at times are not easy – watching what we do and say so that others will learn from us what a Christian is to do and say – standing up for Christian principles so that others can learn what it means to stand up for Christian principles – being honest when it would be just as easy to not be so that others can learn how to be honest – forgiving others so that others can learn from us what it means to be forgiving. All these things take courage – but are what it takes to be Christian men. Being a Christian father – a Christian man — is not easy – it takes courage — it’s not for sissies – but it’s the kind of fathers – and the kind of men – that God is calling us t be.
Being a father isn’t easy. Bering a Christian man is not easy. There’s no question about it – it’s not for sissies. In addition to the things we have talked about today, you’ve got a job to worry about, finances pressures to deal with, a marriage to keep strong, and many other obligations to take care of. But men, I want you to keep this in mind: Regardless of how successful or unsuccessful you are at work, the place where you will make the greatest difference in this world, where you’ll have the greatest impact with the longest lasting results are in the lives of your children – and the children of others.
They need you more than you could ever know, more than they could ever say. They need you to be an example to them. Bring out the best in yourself so you can help bring out the best in them. They need to be a teacher. Make it a joy for them to learn what you know about life, so that you can bring out the best in them. They need you to be a coach. They need you to empower them to play the game of life as a Christian.
These are the things a Christian father – a Christian man — father does. He leads by example, he teaches, he coaches…in order to bring out the best in his others.
Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem entitled “If” that my Dad read to me over and over again as I was growing up and struggling with what it meant to be a man. Kipling wrote:
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream — and not make dreams your master,
If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings — nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more — you’ll be a Man, my son!
Let’s all strive to be men – indeed to be Christian men.
